Loving Shuichi
by darksaphire
Summary: Yuki's thoughts on a relationship with Shuichi. Read it! Fluff and Angst! Shounenai. 2nd Chapter: Hiro's perspective on things. [Discontinued]
1. My little angel

Disclaimer: I do not own gravitation but I sure as heck own this fic and the song in this fic.....not that it's a fic....it's more of a song-fic but its still a fic right? And the songs still mine!

Other: This fic is made by me but in this story yuki wrote the song and he it wrote for shuichi on their relationship and such so enjoy and review onegai! O AN I am sooo sry for not continuing mai other fics...well I am...but I just have a writers block on mai sorry with dance shuichi danc for me whatever it was....sweatdrop....I forgot the own title to mai own fic....how sad....sigh.....

Claimer: _THIS IS MAI SONG IN THIS POEM...er....story....NO ONE TAKE IT WITHOUT MAI PERMISSION ONEGAI!!_

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Loving Shuichi 

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There are soo many things that I love about you Shuichi...the way your hair sways gently in the wind. The way it feels beneath my skin, and laying here in bed with you gives me all the more time to think.

I love stroking your hair. I love everything there is about you, but I still cannot say what you have always yearned to hear come from my lips. _I can't say I love you._

You deserve much more then a cold bastard like me. Sometimes I wonder why you even stay with me. You've never deserted me...but countless times I've done it to you...how do you ever find it in your heart to forgive me? However you did it....you made me happy.

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There are so many things I want to say,

But none of them will begin to pay,

The kind of attention you deserve,

Especially seeing how much you serve,

My heart, my soul, and me,

Only you can make the difference,

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I've once been the cold bastard named Yuki Eiri. Yuki the Novelist...Yuki the womanizer...Yuki the brother in law of Tohma Seguchi...Yuki this....Yuki that...no one's bothered to look beneath the surface and once you did...it made me realize how much I've changed from what I once was....I used to be a gentle person....I know...hard to believe.....but now.....I'm....different.

But you paid attention to me. You never lost your interest. You were genuine in what you did....and that made me happy.

You taught me how to love again. After all those years of me perfecting myself with no emotions. I would try time and time again to deny that I need you...I don't need love to live....and you taught me...that love and life were bonded....without one....you can't have the other.

You kept trying and trying even after the countless times I've rejected you....and that made me happy too.

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Teaching me the ways of love and life alike,

With your ambitions you will strike,

To change the way people see,

What is happening to you and me,

So we make the choices we need to make,

Only you can make the difference,

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Everyone who had known me became quite astounded to see how much you've changed me. I was different. A miracle in everyone's eye. They all thought our relationship would amount to nothing. Heck I myself thought the same, but you proved me wrong.

They all thought a cold bastard like me would never get along with you...and energetic, easy-going, and fun person to be around...basically they thought we were trying to accomplish the impossible...but truth was...YOU were the only one trying.

Several times I would say something hurtful to scare you away. Heck I've even tried running away. Nothing seemed to work. No matter how much I tried to push you away or how tempting for you it was to give up...you never did...and that made me happy.

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Once in a while temptation comes along,

But I know that you'll be strong,

You'll challenge them in a proficient way,

I'll know what to do, and you'll know what to say,

Only you can make the difference,

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Once you got through to me...I felt like I could fly...I felt so happy so free and I could just about jump off a cliff and have absolute faith that you'd rescue me....but I knew I was being foolish.

I was always the brain between the two of us and you were always the action...the _drama_. I knew what to do but you'll be the one to know what to say. Saying _aishiteru_ so easily....I just wish...I could too.

I wished and wished time and time again....I would be able to treat him right....be his actual lover...to truly love him....to show I cared....but it wasn't meant to be. Even so...I knew that I will only remain by you...and still you till death do us part.

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All our lives we hope and pray,

And I know it will be you this day,

To give our relationship the boost it needs,

To carry the torch, to plant the seed,

Only you can make the difference,

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You were always the one to expand our relationship...you were always the one working on it. You would plant a seed here and plant a seed there not caring how they grew or how they ended up....as long as our relationship expanded.

Sometime your recklessness leads you into trouble...but you always come back out headstrong. And that made me happy. You were always the strong one between us two though you believed otherwise.

I'm the farmer's wife and you're the farmer himself. The one who works all day long, the one who sees to it that our relationship works, the one who tends to it all day....and the one who knows when something is wrong. Whether it be a dry season in our bond or a wet one drowning out our senses. Either way....you can't go wrong...and that makes me happy.

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I know you're dedicated, I know you're strong,

I know that you cannot go wrong,

Cuz For each day you'll show,

Me how to grow,

Cuz only you can make the difference,

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Now that everything's going well for us...you've made sure to keep it that way. Now that the dry seasons are over...you've nurtured me until I grew. And I did. I grew out of my plain as day façade and my barriers began to break. I could see the light again as if locked in a room with no windows. I could finally stretch my limbs around this way or that...I could breathe again....and I was grateful.

After being with you....I've made better choices...I've been much more happy....yes you must've noticed. I was smiling even...now something not so uncommon. I love you and that's all that mattered.

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I make better choices,

After hearing your voices,

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Of course I could've never been able to progress this far without you....and it was only when you spoke....that gave me peace...only when you spoke to me...that I would finally be able to sleep.

So please stay with me....don't let me go. Please stay with me and spend more time with me. It's thoughts like these that make my head go dizzy...but it's thoughts like these that make me fly...cuz I know you'd stay....you'd stay with me. You'd never leave....never ever leave me....and that made me happy.

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So stay and take care of me,

Spend just a little bit of time with me,

...and watch me grow...

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You made your decision to stay and I lay here watching you sleep. I once again stroke your cheek and finger you hair. You looked so serene asleep and I just wanted to kiss you. But I guess that wasn't meant to be. You woke up.

You groan and ask me why I'm still awake. And I smile at the concern on your face. I just kiss your eyes shut and whisper to you before you fall asleep.

"Aishiteru Shuichi." I smile again as I began to dose off...almost missing the sleepy response.

"Aishiteru Yuki....forever." I grin this time and put my arm around you. Of course you do Shuichi. After all...it was you who made the difference in me...with that....I fell into a dreamless slumber.

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Because you made the difference in me.

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A/N: well? How'd you guys like it? Should I continue? If you want me to I will but you'll have to review and tell me so!

NOTE....MUST READ:I'm just going to make more fluffy moments like this into this story its mostly just randomized....hmm... what should next chapter be about? About how Shuichi sees Yuki or how Hiro sees their relationship or Tohma's unrequainted love or something? Of course I'll be making all the songs unless you guys dunt like my songs of course...but you guys have to help me decide!

Question for all you readers: Is mai song alright? I didn't really know how to write songs so please dunt give me flames! This is mai first songfic and it's also the first time I've wrote a song for an anime! So be nice onegai?


	2. If only you were mine

Disclaimer: I do not own gravitation, so don't you dare sue!

Others: sigh…..yes I will continue mai other stories and yes I was lying about the writers block…..mai problem is the exact opposite. I have way too many ideas. Mai heads all jumbled up with all these crazy and wacky incidents that are going to happen in mai other fics…..well….yeah anwayz….um…….bleah...whatever.

Claimer: I'm not sure if this is mai song I wrote or not…. I know…. you're probably thinking how can you not know your own songs right? Well…. I write a lot of songs now and well I dunt remember this one. It could be mai song or someone else's….forgive me if its not mine so I'm not gonna yell at you guys if u wanna take it. O well…on with the story!

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**Loving Shuichi**

_Chapter two_

_-_

Quietly awakening…

I always, always wish

Those these fleeting thoughts

Would reach you…

_-_

_Shuichi..._

I see you running out of the double doors of NG Corps. And I can't help but feel sad. I know where you're running. I know what you're waiting for. I know _who_ you're longing after...and it's not me.

I just wish, you would recognize me. I just wish, you could know how I really felt, and maybe, just maybe return those feelings. But, I know it can never be, because you're with someone else.

_-_

Unable to move forward across "Just a little more" distance

The way I see before me is always blocked

Every time the days I want to see you but can't pile up,

My strong heartbeat turns into heartbreak.

_-_

It hurts. A lot.

Every time I see you run into the arms of that romance novelist, I always think of how great it would be, if it was _my_ arms you were running to, but then the illusion would always shatter when _he_ turns to look at me.

Somehow, he knows that I love you, but he won't say anything, that I know. I know that because, you wouldn't be anywhere near me...once you did find out.

I want to see you sometimes, and I actually do go to see you, but then...

_He_ opens the door.

O how I wish, just once, you would be mine.

_-_

If there is such a thing as "eternity,"

I want to believe, even if I have to take the long way.

Although I know that I've been hurt before because I'm clumsy

I won't stop; I won't give in to anyone.

_-_

I've watched you for a long time. From when you were nothing more then an immaturekid till that of a rising star. I've known you for longer then he, but it was he, who had managed to capture your heart.

I want to believe, even if I know we will never be, that you will come running back to me, for comfort, warmth, and possibly love. Well, I guess I don't need to say that that will never happen right?

Still. If there were ever a time, when he would hurt you, I would be glad that you had come to me, but then regret, as you've come to me because of him. I hate what he'd done to you, Shu. I hate what you've become.

Someone so depressed, lovesick, and dare I say it? Pathetic. I, however, did nothing but support you. I knew you needed this, that it would eventually turn out all right, and look what happened, you're now the current lover of a famous romance novelist.

I hate myself for loving you, my best friend, but I hated him more because of what he did to you, so then I vowed, after everything had once again run smoothly, that if he were to ever bring you pain again, I would kill him myself, or die trying.

_-_

I think of you

And that alone is enough

To make the tears start to flow now

_-_

Now I see you hugging him. Kissing him, and getting in the car. He had already turned away from me, though not without staring me down, though not with the harsh and cruel glares he was known for, and I knew, that he understood, understood every little twist of pain that's writhing underneath.

But I knew I was defeated, the moment that car drove away, but thinking of you, was enough for me.

I know that you love him, and it will forever remain so. I knew it from the beginning, but stubbornly denied the fact.

Walking to my bike, I look upon the second helmet, placed on the rear, just in the case; Shuichi couldn't get a ride home. It was for no one else, and will never be for anyone else.

_-_

I always, always wish

Those these fleeting thoughts

Would reach you…

So I'll stop waiting

And seize my "chance."

_-_

I look around the busy streets of Japan and see many bright colors. All of which remind me of you. The pink neon signs of pubs remind me of your hair. The way it sways in the wind and how messy it would get when we used to play our roughhouse games.

The green light ahead sends me into another haze of memories and I'm reminded of when you ate some bad pizza from your fridge and got food poisoning. Turning green and all. I chuckle. Sure it wasn't all that much of a pretty sight, but it was a fond moment, back when we used to spend every waking moment together that is.

The green light then turns to yellow as I slow down, and my fond memories became those of angry ones. I'm reminded of the blonde writer who at first, did nothing but break your heart, time and time again. O how I hated him.

I soon get reminded, however, by the now red traffic light, how that hate turned into anger, and how that anger had caused a horde of events to finally turn in the direction Shuichi deserved to be turned into.

I had turned the cold blonde writer, into the warm red you now see. O how I wish you loved me. I wish I hadn't helped him into your life Shuichi. I wish I was the one who got invited into it, but wishes, don't usually come true.

I can't say never anymore. I can't say wishes never come true because you've proven to me, that we could become anything we wanted to be, and that, love, could come to the most impossible candidates.

But that's...all in the past.

_-_

I think of you, and I feel like that alone is enough

To make my heart grow stronger.

I always, always wish

That these fleeting thoughts would reach you…

_-_

I've reached home by now. I locked up my bike in the garage, and headed to my room, and what do I see? A blue door. Yes, I painted it blue. Get over it.

The blue of course, reminded me of how much I loved you, and how sad and guilt ridden you would feel if I were to ever reveal that love. I want to tell you, but I know it is better if you didn't know.

Ignorance is bliss after all.

Ignoring the blue, I walked into my room, and lay down on the couch. Stretching my limbs to ease my aching joints. I've realized by now, that no matter how hard it may be, I have to keep this information to myself.

I may hurt with everything being locked up in a trunk and kept hidden in the attic, but I'd hurt more knowing that you would never be the same around me again. Changes, is what I'm afraid of. Because with these changes, are dire consequences.

So for now, I'll just stand by and watch you. Knowing that it's enough just to see your smiling face. Knowing that if you still cared for me, even if it's not how I care about you, it's enough.

_-_

I think of you and that alone is enough

To make the tears start to flow now

My distant voice can't reach you now,

But know that someday it definitely will…

_-_

Shuichi, I love you, but not enough to selfishly steal you away. I know it sounds weird, stating it like this, but its true. Some people love someone so much, they become an obsession. They steal the person away and hide them in their world. Ignoring the pain it brought to the one they love.

It's because I love you with just the right amount, that I'll let you create your own future, and to be happy, and stay happy, with the man _you_ love. Even if it's not me.

Of course, I might need to cry on your shoulder every now and then, even if you won't ever find out why. I guess it's just a way to make myself feel better...

...but just until, you become mine.

_-_

Believe.

_-_

La lala la la lala la la la la lala…..

La lala la la lala la la la la lala…..

La lala la la lala la la la la lala…..

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A/N: I wasn't planning to continue this fic cuz I thought it'd be so much better as a one-shot but since you guys like it so much then I guess I should continue…..and yes I'm a sap for Yuki POV's too. Lol. 

I did say, "tell me to continue if you like it" right? Well…I dint think you guys would want me to continue to be honest….mai others stories suck….to me at least…..o well!…

JUST TO LET YOU KNOW:

I'm doing a story with Clari-chan, not one but two. The second has yet to be posted, but she's submitting both of them, so you guys better review on mai chapters! We're switching doing the stories on and off and all that. Mai chapters are all the EVEN numbers hers are all odd. Get it? ODD?… muahahah…… eh…..hehe… sweatdrop…… o whatever! Like you guys never laugh for no reason!…….-….ok whatever……I'm corny and insane….sticks tongue out to all readers


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